At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
