just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
