I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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