so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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