Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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