Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
