Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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