that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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