I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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