I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
