It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
