How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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