dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
