i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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