He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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