The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
