before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
