He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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