i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
