and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
