It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
