Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
