I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
