Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She said her name was "party"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize