If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
