spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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