my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
