He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't deserve a penis
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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