PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
