Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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