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Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
