i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
