Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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