I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
