I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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