your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
