The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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