Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
