Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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