please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
