..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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