I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
