i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
