we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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