So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
