We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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