Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
