How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
