Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
