her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
