Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
