mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pants are for mortals
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
