I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
