Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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