the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
