I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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