I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
