good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
