Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
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Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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