I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
