Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
