we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize