Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
